Therapy for Self-Esteem, Self-Worth & Shame
Boutique East Bay Therapy In Orinda, CA
Relational, integrative therapy for self-esteem, shame, and self-criticism rooted in deeper emotional and relational patterns.
Self-esteem, self-worth, and shame support for adults in Orinda and the East Bay, with in-person and online sessions available throughout California.
Understanding
Self-Esteem, Self-Worth & Shame
When Shame and Self-Criticism Feel Like a Constant Battle
In today’s world, so many messages tell us we need to be “better”, more successful, attractive, accomplished, or put-together. Social media, family expectations, or early experiences of criticism can leave you feeling like no matter what you do, it’s never enough.
Struggles with self-esteem and shame often begin early, shaped by subtle comparisons, cultural pressures, or painful moments of rejection. Over time, these inner voices of self-criticism and perfectionism become exhausting. You may wonder:
Why do I still feel this way, no matter what I try? Why can’t I just feel comfortable in my own skin?
If you’ve ever felt like perfectionism keeps you performing on the outside while doubting yourself on the inside, you may resonate with our post on how therapy helps perfectionists build real self-esteem.
Low self-esteem and shame aren’t just “in your head.” They shape how you see yourself, how safe you feel with others, and how you navigate relationships, work, and daily life. Therapy offers a space to step out of these cycles and begin building a sense of worth not defined by achievements, appearance, or outside approval.
For some, shame can show up as constant comparison; for others, it takes the form of perfectionism, self-doubt, or feeling undeserving of love. These struggles can affect anyone — regardless of age, gender, or background — and often become more pronounced during times of transition or loss.
How It Shows Up &
What You Might Notice
Struggles with self-esteem, shame, and low self-worth often appear in daily life in painful, draining ways.
These are common ways struggles with self-esteem, shame, and worthlessness show up in daily life:
Feeling “less than” or never enough compared to others
Constant self-criticism or second-guessing yourself
Perfectionism and pressure to always prove your worth
Anxiety about being seen or fully known by others
Hopelessness, sadness, or numbness tied to self-doubt
Difficulty trusting yourself in relationships or decisions
Shame that intensifies during transitions like parenthood, midlife, or grief
Avoiding opportunities or connections out of fear of failure or rejection
Many people don’t realize how shame can quietly lead to self-sabotage or holding themselves back, something I explore more deeply in our post on healing the self-imposed limitations that keep you stuck.
How Self-Esteem & Shame Work Is Supported in Therapy
In therapy, we work together to understand how patterns of self-criticism, shame, and worthiness formed and how they shape your sense of self and relationships. We explore the inner voices and relational experiences that keep these patterns active, bringing awareness, compassion, and choice to how you relate to yourself and others. This work unfolds in a relational, attuned way that honors your experience and pace.
In therapy, we may work toward:
Noticing how self-criticism, shame, and beliefs about worth show up in your thoughts, emotions, and relationships
Exploring where these patterns formed and how early relational experiences shaped your sense of self
Bringing awareness to moments of comparison, people-pleasing, or self-doubt as they arise in daily life
Gently examining how shame influences boundaries, needs, and emotional expression
Practicing relating to yourself with greater curiosity, compassion, and emotional attunement
Developing a steadier internal relationship that isn’t driven by judgment or self-blame
What Clients Often Notice Over Time
Through this process, clients often describe:
Ease shame, comparison, and self-criticism
Build self-worth that isn’t tied to performance, roles, or appearance
Soften perfectionism and unrealistic expectations
Develop healthier boundaries and self-trust
Reduce anxiety, depression, and overwhelm tied to shame
Navigate life transitions with more steadiness and resilience
Feel more connected and authentic in relationships
Experience more freedom, confidence, and self-acceptance
Healing shame and self-worth struggles isn’t about quick fixes or forced positivity. It’s about creating a steadier, kinder relationship with yourself, one that allows for growth, connection, and freedom.
Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Esteem, Self-Worth & Shame
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Low self-worth often shows up quietly, through self-doubt, people-pleasing, perfectionistic striving, or a persistent sense of not being enough even when you’re outwardly capable. Shame can shape how you see yourself and what you believe you deserve.
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Shame tends to operate beneath awareness and often develops in contexts where it wasn’t safe to be fully seen, so it can feel exposing, or even risky, to bring into words.
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Yes. Insight alone often isn’t enough to shift deeply held beliefs about worth. Therapy offers a relational space where these patterns can be gently experienced, understood, and transformed over time.
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No. This work isn’t about becoming someone different. It’s about softening the inner critic, increasing self-compassion, and reconnecting with a steadier sense of worth that already exists beneath shame and self-judgment.
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That discomfort is common, especially for people who learned early to prioritize others. Therapy moves at your pace, honoring both your protectiveness and your desire for something more.
Ready to Take the
First Step?
If any part of this resonates, or even if you're unsure where to begin, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can explore what’s possible and find a path forward that feels right for you. Either click below or call/text (925) 259-3145 for more information or to book a free 20-minute consultation.
